blackberry flowers

Blackberry Flowers - Ashlee Craft // ashleecraft.com

forgotten / I saw you standing off to the side

trying to pretend that you couldn’t see the sun / flowers
along the side of the trail, you walked so far ahead of me
I had to squint into the sun to see you / it was how you wanted it
to be; running away, like you always did / you stopped
& bent down to look at the flowers

I approached you slowly / a shadow from the trees above us
reflected down onto you, all I saw was your fragile & shatterable self
confidence was hanging by a thread & I felt a greater sense of pity
& a greater sense of nurturing towards you than I previously knew
then fear made sense to me / you were afraid of losing me to the wind & the storms
& yet I was afraid of losing you to the night & the words
of everyone who tried to bring you down

you sat there still & silent / looking towards the flowers
but not at them / “I’m sorry.” I told you
the breeze blew & the flowers trembled, then the breeze came to a close
& the sunlight fell still & rested upon the petals
“it’s all going to be okay.” I said gently to you “everything is going to be fine.”

the beams of stars

Palmettos by Ashlee Craft // ashleecraft.com


singularity happenstance replicated patterns on wood silk nonsensical rants over cups of coffee / I walk everywhere with you & we physically don’t go anywhere but mentally we are everything reaching out into the void of space across the endless miles between us & touching each others’ souls / & it is in this space, this emptiness, this nothingness that I find I am able to be myself, to see myself reflected in the beams of stars, & it is all there, & all beautiful, & I can hold it in the palm of my hands & do nothing, & the star beams of light keep flooding out into the wilderness, & illuminating everything radiant & so beautiful, & I am knowing that it is there, & right to be there, & star beams are branching out from my hands & traveling the miles or maybe its only a few feet between us & the star beams are branching out & they find you there, the light is reaching from my hands into yours, & so that even when we are far from each other, we see the same sun & live in the same minutes & seconds & hours, & this is how we find each other

Newness

This is My New... // Ashlee Craft / Assemblage, Issue 1 - ashleecraft.com

 

This is all new. This is pure newness & it can be whatever I want it to be. There are no rules, no boundaries, no constraints, no limits. I do what I want. I trust my own judgement because I believe in myself & I know how to trust myself, & I’ve learned recently that it is worth trusting myself. Only I can know what is right for me. Only I know who it is that I need to be, & only I can be the hero of my story.

It all makes sense now, newness does. Changes can be comfortable. It doesn’t have to be as difficult as it seems it will be. Beginnings make sense. Constant personal evolution, constantly being reinvented & reborn, makes sense. It is a matter of survival, of finding true happiness, of embracing life. This is how the tides change in my world. The feeling before newness is conflicted. Endings & beginnings mingling together, the last vestiges of sunlight dissolving & fading slowly, intermingling with the light of the moon, a moon which is illuminated by the next day’s sunlight, & it’s all mixed together in one beautiful palette of color, of things ending so that better things can begin, because we can’t know what these better things ahead of us are until we’re ready to let go of the dock, of the bowlines that keep us tethered there. Of course there are things we should hold onto, & promise ourselves we will never let go of. The things that we truly love, the things that make us happier than anything, the things we know are right. But sometimes we hold onto the old things, the things that weigh us down, the things that are no longer what we need them to be, the things we feel we have to keep under our control when in reality we’d be better off if we let our plans & ideas of the way things are be flexible.

It’s all part of continual personal evolution. Letting go of the things that weigh us down so that we’re free to fly. Letting go of everything that no longer make us feel light & happy & brilliant, because trust me, those feelings are out there, waiting for you, & you will find them if you ruthlessly cut out what doesn’t make you happy & enthusiastically seek what does make you feel happy & alive. You will find it. Tell yourself this whenever you doubt in your ability to reach the full potential you know you have, or are afraid to realize you do have, or worry that maybe you don’t have. Repeat these words, this mantra, every time you think the whole world around you is ending, & you’re thinking that maybe there isn’t possibly a way that you will end up with all the beautiful & brilliant things that you deserve. Tell yourself that you will find it, every time you question if you are in the right place, because right now, you are exactly where you are meant to be, & there are better things ahead. Things will get easier if you keep moving forward. Because sometimes the excellence of a new beginning is hidden among the confusing way that newness can feel, hidden among all the things you no longer are mixing with all the things you are just becoming.

This is your permission to make this whatever you want it to be. You know what is best for you.