for such a long time I thought that I was alone / desperately seeking friendship & reaching out out out floating on desperate waves looking for someone / pleading in the night that I would find somebody to spend time with / searching & searching with the mistaken impression that I was alone / looking for someone I could enjoy being with & embrace & understand & be understood by / but with time I’d see the the whole time / I’d been surrounded by friends
one day I opened my eyes & saw that
I’d never been alone
& I began to find friends everywhere I looked
I was friends with the sun in the sky
the rainbows up ahead
the ideas & questions of if & why
birds singing in the forest I passed thru
each blade of grass covered with morning dew
birds outside my window chirping in the morning
in the lightening & thunder crashing out their warning
the rain pouring onto the pavement
peace, love, & independence
the moon watching gently over the night
the first brand new ray’s of the sunrise’s light
& the twinkling stars I wish upon
the joy contained in each beautiful song
the hummingbirds sipping nectar from flowers
in the fun & freedom filling my every hour
I found friendship in
leaves rustling & drifting down in the breezes
music floating from open windows
jazz musicians playing in cafes
magical sounds of harmonies
artwork & music & films & books &
poems on the walls
crashing waves upon the shore
& the sun melting onto the water in the afternoon
the smell of freshly mowed grass
& the after-rain’s fresh scent
& the sunsets & the sunrises
in the adventures I have everyday
& in happiness
Week 7 was a good week! I feel like in some ways, I could have achieved more, but I set up a lot of things I’ll be able to finish achieving in Week 8.
Published 1 YouTube video (Episode 034 of The Ashlee Craft Show).
Downloaded video clips for my mission statement video that I am working on.
Wrote 10 poems.
Drew 8 farm animal coloring pages for the coloring book that I am working on. Almost done with this book!
Started seriously practicing & studying guitar again. I slacked off on it for a while but I missed it & I want to become really, really good at playing guitar.
Made 5 Instagram posts, several of which promoted specific products of mine.
Published 1 blog post.
Spent a few hours sorting my Google Drive to help me organize & find my files better.
Got a new haircut that makes me look like the person I want to become.
Filmed 50% of a video about my new haircut.
Worked on editing & creating the images for 1 of the blog interviews I am working on.
Made 2 new pages on my website, including one which includes a sortable list of the interviews I have conducted.
Got clearer about who I want to become. Researched a few things in this area.
Networked with 1 new person.
Decided to get pet crested geckos after doing a lot of research.
Saw The Beach Boys in concert!
Began reading “Be Obsessed or Be Average” by Grant Cardone & “Willpower Won’t Work” by Benjamin Hardy. Finished reading “I Will Follow You: A Poetry Novel” by C. J. Robinson.
Slacked off on eating vegetables & on exercise. I am disappointed in this, because I want to be exceptionally healthy. I know I won’t achieve that if I don’t make healthy eating & exercise a consistent habit. I created some plans on how I can change my environment to eliminate my excuses.
I felt like I lost some momentum at the beginning of the week, but I regained the momentum towards the end of the week & had a great weekend.
reflecting upon the silver bar sidewalks & the misty moonlit jaunt thru the breeze double rainbow like a pot of gold in the sky / illuminations / reflecting on windows of trucks & on the sunglasses of passerby / on the Sunday / in the rain
driving thru the puddles / rustling of tires against water sprinkling it upwards showing showering rainstorm reflections
looking in the foggy mirror & at everything mistaken & distorted by the silver / like a whole other world hidden behind glass / distorted in the golden gaze rectified in my precision & by my passion / rejuvenated & suddenly understanding who I was the entire time
down many mistaken roads I walked & many mistaken lies I spoke / many sights of sorrow & many things of beauty filled my vision / down many darkened alleyways filled with soot I trod & many days it just never dawned upon me that I what I’d yearned for & what I’d sought had been there all along / I just had never seen them
I thought what I’d been looking for was something that could be bought / so I looked & looked in all the windows to every store but I kept finding myself wanting more & more / I thought what I’d searched for was far away from me & that by leaving this place, I could be free / so I ran away so I wouldn’t be alone only to find that I’d always been home / I thought what I needed was the love in somebody’s heart & that by finding that love, I’d make a start / so I searched for the one I was looking to find only to see I’d been there the whole time / all that time, I was only too blind to see as I looked & searched & cried & yearned only to find that all along, I’d been exactly where I needed to be
it hadn’t been money or distance or love that I’d needed / I didn’t need to go anywhere or buy anything or find someone to love me / I just needed to see the beauty within me
& all the loneliness turned to friendship, all the dark into light, & suddenly I began seeing the world with my own eyes / my own eyes looking at my own destiny / my own life / now I was free
I had been deaf / to the reflections / of the music / rhythm beating beating beating beating onwards / onwards / into the next reflection
Drew 3 new designs, which I will put on products in my online store once I edit them.
Used CoSchedule’s Headline Anaylzer tool for the first time & was impressed by it.
Re-vamped my Evernote to-do list to make it more practical & easier to use.
Saw Billy Joel in concert!
Went to Alpaca Magic USA, a local alpaca farm in Homosassa Springs, FL. Got to feed & pet alpacas, & got great footage for a YouTube video about alpacas!
Began writing my 50 Adorable Moose Facts book, & got about half of it done.
Felt like I lived with passion more of the days this week than not. I did a lot of amazing, fun things! My anxiety bothered me for a few days & on those days I had no motivation to do anything. But I took it easier when I needed to & worked through it.
Slacking on my veggie-munching goals. I’m lazy when it comes to eating vegetables. So I bought mini veggie cups of beets & three-bean salad, as well as some fruit squeeze pouches, so I have no excuses. Ate sugar compulsively two days in the past week. Still not exercising as much as I wanted to.
Began reading “Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on It” by Kamal Ravikant & “I Will Follow You: A Poetry Novel” by C. J. Robinson. Finished reading “Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It”.
A complete overhaul. A revelation while driving. That all this time, I’ve been focusing on the wrong things. Or at least, the wrong aspects of the right things. I’ve been trying to follow the feelings I’m “supposed” to want to follow. The things I thought I wanted to follow. Thought were the markers of being a “success”.
All along, those things never gave me a compelling enough “WHY”. I thought they did. “But that will be good when that happens!” I kept telling myself. But it was never enough. That’s where I’m still where I am. Then while driving, I had sudden clarity in what I really should be seeking. How I really wanted to feel. Why I was really doing any of this. That the things I wanted didn’t have to mean the same things to me as they did other people.
These are the hidden-treasure feelings that matter the most to me this year.
I want to stop hiding. I always hide. I look at the floor instead of at people. I hide behind my hair. Invisibility. I want to be seen but I also find it uncomfortable. I put on a cliche face & appear open but there’s a thick glass wall between me & everyone else. I’m tired of wearing masks. I’m tired of not being as colorful, as bold, as cool, as vibrant, as alive as I can be. I go out but I don’t want anyone to see me even though deep down, I crave being seen. I want people to know me. There’s nowhere left to hide. I want to be so authentic that when other people see me it makes them feel braver. I want to give them permission to shine like the brightest star too. I want to stop only posting manufactured, manicured posts to social media. I want to stop showing only the “perfect” things. I want to share what it’s really like. I want people to see who I really am. Even if they don’t always like it. I’m tired of playing small. It’s bullshit. I’m every color of the freaking rainbow, & I’m going to stop being afraid of showing it.
MASTER OF MY WORLD.
I want to be the master of my every moment. The master of my universe. To be the one shaping my world, designing & molding & manifesting exactly what I want. I’m tired of my subconscious fears & anxieties & limiting beliefs controlling what happens. They don’t know how to drive. I’m taking the wheel back from them. Taking away their licenses. My car, my rules. I want to create the kind of life for myself that I deserve. In sync with the Big Universe out there, co-creator & collaborative artist & lover. To both be the one in control, & the one creating & tapping into the flow that I effortlessly skate along. To let that flow guide me. To be able to create real magic for myself. To love myself, truly & deeply & completely. Like we did when we were children. Before we learned how to hate ourselves.
HUGE POSITIVE IMPACT ON THE LIVES OF OTHERS.
I want to be a really, really kind person. I want to be used as a force of immense good in this world. I want kindness to be the way I change the world for the better. I want to be the kind of person who gives huge tips at restaurants. The kind of person who shows up with a car filled with dog food & cat litter at the animal shelter. The kind of person who shows up & writes a huge check for a local charity. Who makes care packages for the homeless & handmade cards for lonely in the hospital. Who creates places & opportunities that empower other people. To do my part of throwing the starfish back in the ocean.
LIFE REALLY IS MY PLAYGROUND.
Life is supposed to be fun. I get caught up in the stress & boredom we’re conditioned to feel as adults. I fall down onto what they tell me adulthood is supposed to feel like. The drudge. The dreaded Mondays. No more time to play & breathe & explore. But they’re all wrong. Why was dancing invented if we were all supposed to be so serious most of the time? Why does it feel so good to be happy if we’re supposed to despise at least 33% of our lives? I want to lean back in the swing & look at the pure blue sky. I want to lie on my back in the meadow & see the shapes of dinosaurs & flamingos in the clouds. I want to sit at the end of the ocean & build a moat to protect the sandcastle, & I want to start each day with dancing. It doesn’t take any courage to hate Mondays or to be dragged into the rat race, but it does take courage to play.
COMPLETE FREEDOM TO LIVE THE WAY I WANT TO.
I started the year focused on becoming a millionaire. As if that was the be all, end all. But it never was enough to keep me focused. Something was always missing. I was afraid. If I wanted to succeed, I had to make my goal about HOW I WANTED TO FEEL & not just how much money’s in the bank. That’s what the journey is actually about. I want to know what it’s like to live my life exactly the way I want to. Because if you don’t have a foundation, where’s your hustle? Where’s your hunger to push through & make something happen if you become lazy in success? I want to build a life that’s mine & on my terms. Complete, beautiful freedom. The concept of “millionaire” is part of that, but not all. & “millionaire” doesn’t (won’t) feel the same to me as it does to numerous unhappy others. Money is amazing, but it alone isn’t solid enough without a good foundation under it. That foundation is the underlying lifestyle & story I’m going to design for myself. Otherwise you end up a stressed, cynical millionaire. & that’s not what I want to be.
I want to be free. What do I want my life to look like? What would my life look like in a year if I loved myself truly & deeply? How would I dress? What hairstyle would I have? How would I make money? Where would I live? How would I spend my time? It’s my responsibility to build the life I want for myself. Living in complete freedom is living like you love yourself completely, truly, & deeply. I want to make my life biggest, most beautiful art project.
I know I deserve better than what I have now. The road map is in my hands. I breathe out, I breathe in. I can’t exactly put it into words yet, but I know where I’m heading now.
The weather this week made me more tired for a few days, but I still got a lot done & I made sure I took time to rest & take care of myself.
Published 1 blog post.
Drew 12 coloring pages for my Cute Farm Animals coloring book.
Began gathering facts for upcoming “50 Adorable Moose Facts” book.
Made 41 slideshows for the Udemy course I’m making based on my “101 Ways to Love Yourself” book. Done making all 102 slideshows for the course! Next step is editing them.
Wrote 4,085 words in the novel I just began on this week.
Finished coloring two of my new designs (“Llama Pug” & “Owl Riding a Magical Unicorn”).
Put 2 new designs of t-shirts, poster, etc in my online store.
Read business articles & brainstormed.
Researched & picked a programming language to learn. I chose the language Python because from what I can see it’s there’s a growing need for it, & it’s the language with the second most job postings on Indeed.
Submitted EIN business name change documents to the IRS to update my EIN with my new company name!
Reset password to my Shutterstock account that I set up years ago so I can submit stock photos.
Researched how to be a voiceover artist, writing tips, cheap college options, how to play the saxophone, selling used clothes, & how to become a life coach.
Finished the Udemy Course “How to Make an iPhone Sticker Pack” (1st Udemy course I’ve ever finished!).
Went to an event at a local technical college about the various degrees & programs they offer there.
Downloaded 5 new fonts from Google Fonts.
Released 1 YouTube video.
Downloaded ebooks on Kindle about learning the programming language Python.
Sent LinkedIn connection request to one new person.
Began working on my “mission statement” YouTube video.
Installed & began using the DaVinci Resolve video editing software!
Eating vegetables is now pretty much a habit, & I crave them a lot more. I didn’t exercise as much as I wanted to. Some days I ate more sugar than I’d like to. But overall, I feel like I’m definitely making progress on my health goals.
How are you doing this week & what are you working on?
Filmed clips for the first episode of my new YouTube show “Produce Exploration”, which is an educational show about various types of fruits & vegetables, what they taste like, & how to use them. The first episode is about Red Rome Apples, & the video should be up later this week.
Put my 2nd custom jean jacket (“RENEGADE“) in my online shop!
Wrote 1 chapter of the Tarot card definition book I am working on.
Promoted my YouTube videos & original products on websites like Pinterest & Twitter.
Asked another person for a blog interview. She said yes, & I sent her the interview questions.
Networked with 5 new people!
Downloaded DaVinci Resolve video editing software (I haven’t got a chance to use it yet).
Made 2 new illustrations to be used as designs for t-shirts, posters, etc.
Planned a farm animal-themed coloring book.
Drew illustrations for my “The Seven Levels of Why” blog article. I’ve never really illustrated an article of mine before. It was a lot of fun, & I really like the end result.
Recorded the bass guitar for my cover of the Crowded House song “Archer’s Arrows”. I hopefully will finish my cover of the song in the upcoming week.
Put another design of t-shirts & posters on my website.