I thought that without you, I would be a shadow; that I would go back to being what I used to be before I met you. Sad & incapable. I thought of you as the foundation everything I became was built upon. It would crumble if you weren’t there. That the person I had become was dependent on you being there. I looked at the happy, light, euphoric way I felt because of you (who I became because of how you made me feel) & the sense of belonging & being “good enough” that I finally felt. I thought these feelings couldn’t exist without you being with me, like a constant & repetitive circle that required you feeding the fire to keep it going. Eventually though, I realized that what I had become because of you was mine to keep. The feelings & experiences; the things that now made me feel good about who I was; the way I’d learned to love myself – those were things that could not be taken away or forgotten or repressed. This was who I was now; it wasn’t dependent on you validating me or providing a mirror by which I could see myself. It was thanks to you, showing me how to be this person & motivating me to do so, & it was thanks to me, grabbing up & running with these feelings & discoveries, & then building upon them when I had to, in order to become independently happy. I don’t need you in order to feel that way – I really can do it on my own.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
a letter 4 / a little bit tired 6 / afraid of getting sad again 7 / you know you could do better, right? 8 / forgiveness 9 / raw, beautiful people 10 / dreams 11 / the roar of the lion 12 / so close 13 / lunch food 14 / you thought you had me 15 / frog 17 / you love me & I feel the same way towards you 18 / the first day 19 / you changed too much 20 / light at the end of the tunnel 21 / the purest love 22 / afraid of the future 23 / pay 24 / it was a strange time in my life 25 / I don’t need you to feel that way 26 / space 27 / forgotten 28 / pointless pain 30 / feeling better (maybe I just need to be alone) 31 / looking forward to tomorrow 32 / I will take care of myself though 33 / why do we fall? 34 / questions 35 / happy again 36 / have fun 37 / wow, it’s weird 38 / what says the most about people 39 / I casually destroyed their little plan 40 / I’ll take care of you 41 / being an everyday person 42 / jealous 43 / friends 44 / I know I made the right choice 45 / choosing you 46 / beautiful 47 / people with clouds of a smile behind them 48
Publish Date // December 18, 2015
Paperback 48 pages
Genre // Magazines