In Episode 042 of The Ashlee Craft Show, I read my article “Here’s Why Happiness is the Best Revenge” & tell you WHY using your success as revenge against those who’ve wronged you is about YOU, & not about them.
In Episode 041 of The Ashlee Craft Show, I read a poem from my Spring poetry book called “Easter”. Also, I’m wearing Easter egg novelty socks & carrot-shaped earrings!
after spring cleaning is completed & the house is refreshed / opening the windows to clean out the air trapped in here by the winds of winter / running free thru fields / then coming back home to decorate for Easter
slowly removing the colorful Easter basket from the cardboard box in the garage & setting the basket, woven with pink & yellow straw, upon the black table in the corner / the sound of crinkling & plastic being torn, opening the bag of Easter grass & arranging the yellow cellophane in the bottom / tying a ribbon around the basket’s handle & smiling back at it
next removing the sentimental Easter tree from the box / the pale pink bark peeling, the metal branches bent at odd angles, but rearranging these & remembering when I was a child & I decorated these same branches with these sacred ornaments, souvenirs from memory’s road / separating the ornaments & untangling the branches & the small threads tied to the tops of them / picking a random but intentionally beautiful spot for each one, seeing these brilliant branches covered with Easter eggs, baby rabbits of pink & green & blue & yellow, sparkling eggs, bird houses, fuzzy yellow chicks, carrots, baskets, joy / seeing them filled with joy
lastly, removing the decorations given to me by my Grandmother & setting them upon the shelves / spreading the bright beauty of spring around on the walls, on the tables, on shelves, on the floor, anywhere there is room for them / planting seeds in terra cotta flower pots outside & placing the gently watered soil in the sunrays on my porch / spreading around the joy of this new beginning / spring is beginning once again / the sun shining once again
I stepped off into the clear cool stars
walking on them. They called out to
me. They felt the same way it does
stepping off barefoot into dewy grass
at 1 AM. The decisions you make are the
rope leading you either to the edge of
the bridge or the safe green pastures. They are
what compels you.
She looked at me with sea-green
eyes. I saw aqua & turquoise rain
clouds flourishing in the distance.
They whispered to me by the tide-pool
room rock ledges &
familiar evocative songs on the
radio. “You are going to be
okay.”
I took deep breaths & tried to calm the fluttering screaming inside / it was getting dark out / I opened the windows & bathed myself in fresh air turning the music up loud & listening to the wind / at the stoplight I watched the lights of cars on the evening road & felt the knowledge that I could do anything, any of it / that there would be more nights in this weather, driving, comforted by the fact that I was finding my way / I shamelessly danced even if people were looking / the music & gentle lights continued – glowing pathway spread before me yellowbrick road / it was deeply sad & darkly depressing but somehow deeply shining with hope & the golden warm light of PROGRESS / the first words of the new poem & the new beginning & new places & the unknown road & the unknown open road & the first words said by the person I was becoming & the soul of the person I was becoming & the overarching future & deep brilliant hope & a thousand things I had no names for / I saw a kid playing with a toy car on the sidewalk in the dark, & I breathed in deeply, & felt fresh air on my skin & the warm humidity of evening, & saw the road really illuminated by the street lamps like lighthouses / & it reminded me of something I used to know / I thought about how there would be so many more nights like this, how this wasn’t really the ending / & I reminded myself that I would make it through this, & be better off for it / that is how I thrive
In Episode 037, I read a poem from one one of my most recent poetry books, “The Walls Were Gray”, titled “SEE, NOT FEELING THAT GIVES ME FREEDOM.” Hope you enjoy it!
the sky was dark blue dark blue / evening light window looking out at the lake / the flashes of light upon the water I used to look out at them & the fresh alive air would flow in through the holes in the screen & I would feel like I wasn’t sitting on the island all by myself / dark blue dark blue / I walked up the stairs to the room & the lighting was warm / Antioch, at night blue walls single lamp in the corner it was dim the closet was yellow / workshop, my dreams covered the walls when I was an endless creator / they were yelling downstairs now but I was rising slowly exhausted & ready to sleep / I found myself outside, finally stretching my legs & feeling the late afternoon sunshine warm & bright / they said it was going to rain today but they were wrong / the air was warm & crisp like the end of summer, like the end of summer that one year / fall autumn air queen suicide & rebirth in February into something greater / I was so happy suddenly back then that it scared me / the air had seemed so lonely / she asked me about it & I finally revealed an honest piece of myself more peace of mind / “it was never very interesting to me” I told her “my Work was always more interesting & still is” / I told her I couldn’t wrap my head around the idea of constantly chasing them, hoping they would notice me / couldn’t understand why anyone would want to do that be that way / technically it’s more normal but it was never the drumbeat I danced to / this morning I was compelled towards the radio / “I will get by” was playing / note, a year ago said I listened to that & read TOUGH TIMES DON’T LAST & even though things were terrible for me, I felt a lot better / (why does it always seem like things are terrible? not true) / then some song about dancing to the beat of the music played & the morning looked less gray / I read their article & realized the problem / even in my otherness I was still being forced into feelings I didn’t feel / the obligation was strong everywhere around me everyone was screaming out the words & every book proudly displayed it on its cover & the newspapers all wrote about it & every song found it sublime to ramble on ramble on / everyone I knew – it was their primary topic. what had happened. what they would do. how to find one. / I was being forced into feelings I didn’t feel because I felt I wouldn’t belong if I didn’t feel them / but I don’t feel them, not in that way / I can befriend all of them without ulterior motives – imagine what a difference that would be – everyone else was always a goal step to reach a particular means to an end / I felt more normal than her even though I felt dried up & frigid but that was the way the computer was wired & the tree roots were deeper still / I hugged her, “why is everyone so stressful?”, flung my hands around, she comforted me, I hugged her again / I didn’t have to follow them all down into the rabbit hole / “curiosity never killed the cat” she told me / trees sung quietly in triumph as I wrote a letter with the honest truth & let a pigeon carry it back to its nest / then I walked around the lake & went home, just as the jazz started playing, & I felt better about myself, not having to hide / learning to love the emotional mess
In Episode 035, I read another poem from my poetry book “Reflections in the Green Triangle” titled “All My Friends”. REFLECTIONS IN THE GREEN TRIANGLE BOOK
ALL MY FRIENDS
for such a long time I thought that I was alone / desperately seeking friendship & reaching out out out floating on desperate waves looking for someone / pleading in the night that I would find somebody to spend time with / searching & searching with the mistaken impression that I was alone / looking for someone I could enjoy being with & embrace & understand & be understood by / but with time I’d see the the whole time / I’d been surrounded by friends
one day I opened my eyes & saw that
I’d never been alone
& I began to find friends everywhere I looked
I was friends with the sun in the sky
the rainbows up ahead
the ideas & questions of if & why
birds singing in the forest I passed thru
each blade of grass covered with morning dew
birds outside my window chirping in the morning
in the lightening & thunder crashing out their warning
the rain pouring onto the pavement
peace, love, & independence
the moon watching gently over the night
the first brand new ray’s of the sunrise’s light
& the twinkling stars I wish upon
the joy contained in each beautiful song
the hummingbirds sipping nectar from flowers
in the fun & freedom filling my every hour
I found friendship in
leaves rustling & drifting down in the breezes
music floating from open windows
jazz musicians playing in cafes
magical sounds of harmonies
artwork & music & films & books &
poems on the walls
crashing waves upon the shore
& the sun melting onto the water in the afternoon
the smell of freshly mowed grass
& the after-rain’s fresh scent
& the sunsets & the sunrises
in the adventures I have everyday
& in happiness
reflecting upon the silver bar sidewalks & the misty moonlit jaunt thru the breeze double rainbow like a pot of gold in the sky / illuminations / reflecting on windows of trucks & on the sunglasses of passerby / on the Sunday / in the rain
driving thru the puddles / rustling of tires against water sprinkling it upwards showing showering rainstorm reflections
looking in the foggy mirror & at everything mistaken & distorted by the silver / like a whole other world hidden behind glass / distorted in the golden gaze rectified in my precision & by my passion / rejuvenated & suddenly understanding who I was the entire time
down many mistaken roads I walked & many mistaken lies I spoke / many sights of sorrow & many things of beauty filled my vision / down many darkened alleyways filled with soot I trod & many days it just never dawned upon me that I what I’d yearned for & what I’d sought had been there all along / I just had never seen them
I thought what I’d been looking for was something that could be bought / so I looked & looked in all the windows to every store but I kept finding myself wanting more & more / I thought what I’d searched for was far away from me & that by leaving this place, I could be free / so I ran away so I wouldn’t be alone only to find that I’d always been home / I thought what I needed was the love in somebody’s heart & that by finding that love, I’d make a start / so I searched for the one I was looking to find only to see I’d been there the whole time / all that time, I was only too blind to see as I looked & searched & cried & yearned only to find that all along, I’d been exactly where I needed to be
it hadn’t been money or distance or love that I’d needed / I didn’t need to go anywhere or buy anything or find someone to love me / I just needed to see the beauty within me
& all the loneliness turned to friendship, all the dark into light, & suddenly I began seeing the world with my own eyes / my own eyes looking at my own destiny / my own life / now I was free
I had been deaf / to the reflections / of the music / rhythm beating beating beating beating onwards / onwards / into the next reflection