TENDERNESS ON MAIN – NEW POETRY BOOK

Tenderness on Main is a collection of 43 poems about deep, tender love in all its forms: love between two people, love between the Universe & a person, & love between a person & themselves.

out of the gloom, first //

it was all very tender, the way you
took such great care to unearth the most colorful flower you could find
from the bottom of the pile at the garbage dump &
hold it out to me saying,
“treasures are found everywhere” & I said
“I know, I always find them too” & you
smiled at me & I knew what you meant &
it wasn’t in a garbage dump that we found each other but
neither of us were on top of the world either but
inch by inch we pulled ourselves from the bottom of the pile &
declared that we were worthy & ready &
I reached out my hand to you & you wrapped your fingers in mine &
we carried the flower out of the dump between us &
it always lasted in full-bloom

Publication Date: August 1, 2019
Genre: Poetry

AVAILABLE ON AMAZON

 

Strawberry Moon – NEW EXPERIMENTAL NOVEL

Strawberry Moon is an avant-garde, experimental novel followup to Ashlee Craft’s previous book, “Feel the Hidden Flowers”, complete with letters Nina wrote, song lyrics, & other literary pieces as she goes through a box of her old things & observes how much she has changed since she has recovered from her depression.

Publication Date: July 27, 2019
Genre: Fiction – Experimental Novel

AVAILABLE ON AMAZON

THE WARM WET PINK OF YOUR TONGUE (DRAWING)

First drawing in a new art series on sexuality that I’ve just started working on, now that I’m *finally* becoming a lot more comfortable with myself in a LOT of ways, including sexuality & realizing it’s not something to be ashamed of or embarrassed by, because growing up, I wasn’t shamed for it so much, but I was for a long time super awkward about it.

My parents saw sexuality for a long time, until not too long ago, as being something embarrassing, & me, being obsessed with being “the good child”, came to see it as embarrassing as well. I’ve wanted to start an art series like this for a while, & becoming comfortable with my gender has really helped my comfort level in so many ways.

I’ve been a lot more comfortable accepting that I’m bisexual AF & acknowledging at least to myself folks that I find attractive, & that I frequently experience sexual attraction but only in certain circumstances experience what *might* be romantic attraction but is strong regardless & that there’s nothing wrong with this, & that even though I’ve never been in a relationship I still consider myself to be polyamorous, & I’m working on not being embarrassed so much by any of this anymore ♥

My Pronouns & Gender Terms: A Cheat Sheet

One of my friends shared this on their Facebook a while back with their answers & not only did I find it really interesting to see what they had to say, but I also TOTALLY was excited about sharing my own answers! Also, this was a lot of fun to fill out.

KEY:
 – okay
 – not okay
– ask permission/situational

she/her 
he/him 
they/them (they/them are technically the pronouns I use, but as I feel like a non-binary boy & identify as non-binary trans/demiboy/transmasculine, he/him pronouns or using he/they pronouns for me is fine! Really, anything as good as long as it’s not she/her pronouns! But if someone asks me my pronouns, as this point I’m gonna say “they/them” as those are still my very favorite ones)
it/its
other/neopronouns✅ (again, they/them is preferred but these are fine too!)

mx.
mr.
ms
miss 
mrs. 

Sir
Ma’am
Mx.
Other neo-honorifics (Zir, Misc, Ind)

dude, my guy, buddy, ect 
bro, boy, lad, man, sir, king, etc
pal, anything gender neutral really
boss, captain, etc
enby, non-binary person, human 
sis, queen, girl, lady 
slut/bitch
pretty, beautiful, stunning etc
cute, sweet, adorable, gorgeous, good looking
handsome, rugged, dashing

I MAKE MY OWN LUCKY PENNIES (DRAWING)

Imbue everything with silver linings!

This is one of the first things I’ve posted from a new series of drawings/doodles I’ve been working on! I have a SHIT TON of ideas for doodles, & for a long time I was like “I have to make everything I draw perfect because Perfectionism is Life & everything I draw has to be a big, dramatic deal”.

But I found some origami paper that I bought like three years ago lol & thought “I SHOULD DRAW & MAKE COLLAGES WITH THIS, IT’S SO FUCKING COLORFUL” so hence, several new art series were born!!! A lot of them in this particular series are going to be little phrases or thoughts or ideas that I want to do doodles of.

So, a brief list of new art series I’ve been excited about working on lately:

  1. This series, with origami paper & little phrases or ideas + doodles
  2. A similar series almost exactly like this one, but focusing on mental health-related stuff & not all of it is origami paper, I think memes can be a form of art so including mental health memes & collages I’ve made (& I have a new Instagram account where you can find my mental health memes & art, @acmentalhealth!
  3. Another series of doodles, some on origami paper & some not, but queer/sexuality/romantic orientation/gender identity-themed. I’ve been nervous about making stuff about my sexuality etc as well as my mental health for a long time but now I’m comfortable sharing things like that so I am looking forward to it!
  4. A series of canvases involving mental health themes, like quotes on simple but cool backgrounds that I’ve painted, which I’m *fingers crossed* hoping to display somewhere IRL in the Tampa area this summer (so if you know any places that would like to do an exhibit of small, cheap (all under $50) original mental health canvases, lemme know on social media!
  5. COLLAGES IN GENERAL. I actually have several series of collages, some of which overlap with other categories here like mental health, but I fucking love collages, especially ones involving stickers.

I’m very excited about all these art things!! Also, gonna be working on a lot more doodle zines this year, because FUCK PERFECTIONISM, I just wanna make prolific projects~

THIS BLOG IS GONNA BE FUN AGAIN

Padli Pradana  Hey! I know it’s been MONTHS (specifically, like four months LOL) since I’ve published a post here. But I have got a KEWL announcement to make about the direction I’m hopefully going to follow through with here!

So with this blog, long story short, I’m trying to make it more fun again! I got trapped for a while in an obsession with being a flashy entrepreneur & then I got trapped in another phase where I was obsessed with being a smooth-talking personal development guru tbh (now I’m like WTF about that, but at the time it was important to me!). I wanted to only publish polished articles filled with advice & shit that other folks could find useful so I could be a “success” & follow in the footsteps of people I happened to idolize at the time.

At least for now…not really into those things & the disillusion of them anymore! I feel like if I were to continue going down that path & trying to be all smooth & professional & monetizable & milquetoast & polished & calculated & (*cough* *cough* boring) would make me feel ridiculously fake & it’s totally not who I am anymore, so I am stopping that…

In exchange for trying to pretend to be something I’m not, I’m going to bring back “when blogging was fun”. I miss the ‘good old days’ when I was a teenager & blogged on Tumblr & other blogs & shared my art & shared things I liked & just had FUN with blogging, ya know??? Also like filling out questionnaires, & the type of thing I enjoy doing currently on Instagram & Facebook.

I just wanna be an artist & an actor & a writer (& anything else creative that sparks my fancy) & share weird & wonderful & queer stuff with the world.

So yeah. This blog is changing BIG TIME so get ready for it to be fun again. I wanna capture that feeling of being a teen & having a blog, just with my mental health being better than when I was actually a teen.

It’s gonna be a BLAST.

 

MAY 2019 IN REVIEW

OVERVIEW: Published 1 book, 2 new songs, 2 comedy videos, saw 1 concert, ate at 2 new restaurants, read 10 books, got a new pet Corydoras catfish, & went on a day road trip to St. Augustine with my family!

CREATIVITY & BUSINESS

CONCERTS

  • Saw David Crosby & Friends at the Capitol Theatre in Clearwater, FL!

FOODS

  • TOP 3 FOODS: Garlic aioli, pico de gallo, & sparkling water.
  • Went to Burger King for the first time since I was a kid! Got a Burger King Crown. Ate a cheeseburger, some fries, & a slice of Hershey’s pie that comes in a little pie-shaped box!
  • Went to Ford’s Garage for the first time & got the Ahi Tuna Poke Stack with Diced Avocados & Fried Won Ton Chips! I loved the Sinclair dinosaur sign they had in the bathroom.
  • Got really good ice cream at Sweet Frog!
  • THINGS I ATE FOR THE FIRST TIME:
    1. A sour orange!
    2. Got a Cosmic Coolata & a Cosmic Donut at Dunkin’!
    3. Got this good dragonfruit smoothie mix from the freezer section at Walmart & made really good smoothie bowls with it!
    4. A mini chocolate bundt cake from Walmart
    5. Juniors Caramels
    6. Wavy salted Pringles
    7. Got a McFlurry with M & M’s at McDonalds for the first time!
    8. Went to Twistee Treat for the first time! Got a medium fancy waffle cone with rainbow sprinkles & chocolate dip & pistachio ice cream. It was amazing!
    9. My/Mo Cookies ‘N Cream mochi ice cream
    10. A salted caramel cookie crunch Flurricane from Wawa
    11. A international brand of Papaya yogurt I can’t remember the name of the brand
    12. Kraft garlic aioli (I WAS OBSESSED WITH THIS)
    13. Talenti salted caramel truffle layered gelato
    14. Pico de gallo
    15. Pico de gallo over chicarrones
    16. Cherry Bubly water
    17. Orange Vanilla & Chocolate Lighthouse Fudge from the St. Augustine Lighthouse.
    18. Mango Bubly water
    19. Sweet tamarind candy
    20. Proyo Cookies N’ Cream frozen yogurt.
    21. Jimmy Dean egg, sausage, & cheese breakfast bowl.
    22. A gummy hotdog.
  • Helped my dad make beef jerky for the first time! It came out good.

MEDIA

  • STARTED READING: (* means a re-read; everything else is new to me) Letters to a Young Artist by Anna Deavere Smith, Mysterious Encounters: Unicorns by Elizabeth Silverthorne, Nature’s Children: Sloths by Josh Gregory, Be Obsessed or Be Average by Grant Cardone*, A Snicker of Magic by Natalie LLoyd, 33 Artists in 3 Acts by Sara Thornton, The Ecotraveler’s Wildlife Guide: Costa Rica by Les Beletsky, The Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster*, Feel the Hidden Flowers by Ashlee Craft*, The Circus Age: Life Under the Big Top by Janet M. Davis. Total: 10
  • FINISHED READING: (* means a re-read; everything else is new to me) Letters to a Young Artist by Anna Deavere Smith, Mysterious Encounters: Unicorns by Elizabeth Silverthorne, Nature’s Children: Sloths by Josh Gregory, Be Obsessed or Be Average by Grant Cardone*, A Snicker of Magic by Natalie LLoyd, 33 Artists in 3 Acts by Sara Thornton, The Ecotraveler’s Wildlife Guide: Costa Rica by Les Beletsky, Tips & Traps for Negotiating Real Estate by Robert Irwin. Total: 8
  • WATCHED: (episodes in parenthesis for shows; all others are films. * means re-watches; all others are things I’ve never seen). The Dirt, The Mighty Boosh (Call of the Yeti, The Priest & The Beast) Total: 3
  • ALBUMS I LISTENED TO: (*First time listening to this album!) Smooth Jazz Greatest Hits (Multiple Artists)*, Dave Brubeck’s Greatest Hits (Dave Brubeck)*, Highway 61 Revisited (Bob Dylan), Abandoned Luncheonette (Daryl Hall & John Oates), Sheer Heart Attack (Queen), Can’t Buy a Thrill (Steely Dan), Some Girls (The Rolling Stones)*, Sheer Heart Attack (Queen), Shout at the Devil (Motley Crue)*, Out of Step (Minor Threat), The Very Best of Todd Rundgren (Todd Rundgren)*, Bob Dylan’s Greatest Hits (Bob Dylan)*, The Runaways (The Runaways)*, The Earth of Not a Cold Dead Place (Explosions in the Sky) Total: 14

PETS

  • Got a new pet Corydoras Catfish named Bean for my aquarium to be friends with my other corydoras!
  • My leopard gecko, Squiggles, let me pick him up for the first time ever!
  • My Pac-Man Frog, Frogecoin actually turned his head to look up at me while I was feeding him & it was adorable.

PERSONAL

  • Hung up my adorable “Kittens Screaming with Joy” card up on the wall of my room.
  • Built a banker box for the first time (I’m going to use them to organize magazines & papers).
  • Made this cool stained glass bee out of this kit I got at the store!
  • Downloaded the Freeosk app for the first time! It is cool. I got a mini pack of caramel M & M’s.
  • Changed the wiper blades on my Kia Soul for the first time!
  • Used an amazing Renuzit in my room for the first time! It was rose, fresh cut grass, & lavender scented!
  • Convinced my mom to give powdered laundry soap a try & she loves it now!

THINGS I PURCHASED

  • Bought some cool books at the library! Got a book about hidden animals, an iSpy book (!!!!!), & the Gail Gibbons bat book which I freaking LOVE & had just read a borrowed copy & was hoping to find one to buy someday!!!!! (Especially the illustration of the tube-nosed fruit bat had me almost sobbing).
  • Bought a toucan-shaped salt/pepper shaker!
  • Got 2 new Beanie Baby owls that I didn’t have!
  • Bought a pink alligator sculpture with plastic succulents on its back! It is really cool & cute.
  • Got a new iPhone – an iPhone 6 – because I broke the screen on my last one & was tired of looking at the broken screen & dealing with its crappy battery life because I’d had the previous one for several years.
  • Bought a colorful stegosaurus.
  • Bought a metal flamingo wall hanging at Walmart.
  • Bought 2 adorable magnets with photos of flamingos on them!

TRAVEL & EXPERIENCES

  • Went on a day vacation with my mom & sister in St. Augustine! I’d been there before as part of my Epic Florida Road trip, so it was fun to share some of the things I saw the first time around with my family so they could enjoy them too, as well as see some great new things I didn’t have a chance to see on my first visit!
  • We visited:
    • Fort Mantanzas park (& got to visit the island with the fort on it, which I didn’t get to do last time!)
    • The Castillo de San Marco
    • Catherdral Basilica of St. Augustine (which had really beautiful stained glass!)
    • The Old City Gates
    • The St. Augustine Lighthouse
    • St. Augustine Beach
    • Saw the famous water mill!
    • Saw the oldest schoolhouse in America!
    • Walked through a lot of Downtown St. Augustine
    • Saw a roadside dinosaur in Citra, FL
  • Finished booking all my tours & other tickets I need for Costa Rica!
  • Went to the Epperson Lagoon for the first time, which is a huge “lagoon” swimming pool!

A (Micro) Interview with Michael Sheen

Stephen Fry’s 2003 film, “Bright Young Things” is a good movie, but the absolute BEST thing about it for me is the character Miles, played by the amazing Michael Sheen. Miles is seriously one of my favorite characters I have ever come across, & the way Sheen plays Miles couldn’t be more perfect.
If you’ve seen the movie, you know how sad Miles’ final scene in the film is. Miles’ facade of confidence is shattered when (spoilers) he learns the police have a warrant out to arrest him for being gay & he is forced to leave the country before they can.
The emotions in that scene are so palpably genuine, vulnerable, & honest. And poor Miles just looks so perfectly sad, with his very red eyes, his mannerisms, the way his voice cracks & he looks away, unable to make eye contact. I’m filing this scene in my “amazing textbook examples of sadness & vulnerability” category, so I can study the scene & acting, & use what I learn from studying it to improve my own acting.
Which brings me to my second point. As an actor, I really wanted to know whether Sheen was “actually crying” in the scene, or whether anything like a tear stick or tear blower had been used to assist this effect.
Obviously, there’s nothing wrong with actors using things like tear sticks to help their characters cry, if they really need to. I understand that having to reshoot a scene, or working a long day & being emotionally exhausted, etc might make it hard for an actor to cry naturally.
But what I wanted to know was, as an actor, if I were trying to portray a scene in a similar way, would it be fair to hold myself up to the standard of actually crying that much, or whether the way a scene like that was done DID rely on a sort of incidental “special effect” of a tear stick. A lot of things in films are simulated or rely on even a small amount of “stage magic” to work properly, & I wanted to know whether a scene like this was one of those things, or whether it was real vulnerability worth striving for.
I went on Twitter & the following discussion happened:
Q: “The actor in me would love to know whether in this beautifully-acted scene, your eyes were that red & sad from crying naturally (perhaps from multiple takes), whether a tear stick/makeup/etc was involved, or a combination?”
A: “Just crying a lot.”
Knowing that about this scene makes me want to hold myself to a higher standard of acting, & makes me want to get a lot better about learning how to get into my characters better so I can, when the time calls for it, bring about genuine emotions in the mindset realm of the character. It also makes me love this scene even more than I already did & is a true testament to Sheen’s talent in bringing his characters & their emotions to life. I just think it’s so lovely how genuine this scene is.
A huge thank you to Michael Sheen for giving me permission to publish this as an interview on my blog!