SEE, NOT FEELING THAT GIVES ME FREEDOM – The Ashlee Craft Show – Episode 037 – Poetry


In Episode 037, I read a poem from one one of my most recent poetry books, “The Walls Were Gray”, titled “SEE, NOT FEELING THAT GIVES ME FREEDOM.” Hope you enjoy it!

The Walls Were Gray
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SEE, NOT FEELING THAT GIVES ME FREEDOM

the sky was dark blue dark blue / evening light window looking out at the lake / the flashes of light upon the water I used to look out at them & the fresh alive air would flow in through the holes in the screen & I would feel like I wasn’t sitting on the island all by myself / dark blue dark blue / I walked up the stairs to the room & the lighting was warm / Antioch, at night blue walls single lamp in the corner it was dim the closet was yellow / workshop, my dreams covered the walls when I was an endless creator / they were yelling downstairs now but I was rising slowly exhausted & ready to sleep / I found myself outside, finally stretching my legs & feeling the late afternoon sunshine warm & bright / they said it was going to rain today but they were wrong / the air was warm & crisp like the end of summer, like the end of summer that one year / fall autumn air queen suicide & rebirth in February into something greater / I was so happy suddenly back then that it scared me / the air had seemed so lonely / she asked me about it & I finally revealed an honest piece of myself more peace of mind / “it was never very interesting to me” I told her “my Work was always more interesting & still is” / I told her I couldn’t wrap my head around the idea of constantly chasing them, hoping they would notice me / couldn’t understand why anyone would want to do that be that way / technically it’s more normal but it was never the drumbeat I danced to / this morning I was compelled towards the radio / “I will get by” was playing / note, a year ago said I listened to that & read TOUGH TIMES DON’T LAST & even though things were terrible for me, I felt a lot better / (why does it always seem like things are terrible? not true) / then some song about dancing to the beat of the music played & the morning looked less gray / I read their article & realized the problem / even in my otherness I was still being forced into feelings I didn’t feel / the obligation was strong everywhere around me everyone was screaming out the words & every book proudly displayed it on its cover & the newspapers all wrote about it & every song found it sublime to ramble on ramble on / everyone I knew – it was their primary topic. what had happened. what they would do. how to find one. / I was being forced into feelings I didn’t feel because I felt I wouldn’t belong if I didn’t feel them / but I don’t feel them, not in that way / I can befriend all of them without ulterior motives – imagine what a difference that would be – everyone else was always a goal step to reach a particular means to an end / I felt more normal than her even though I felt dried up & frigid but that was the way the computer was wired & the tree roots were deeper still / I hugged her, “why is everyone so stressful?”, flung my hands around, she comforted me, I hugged her again / I didn’t have to follow them all down into the rabbit hole / “curiosity never killed the cat” she told me / trees sung quietly in triumph as I wrote a letter with the honest truth & let a pigeon carry it back to its nest / then I walked around the lake & went home, just as the jazz started playing, & I felt better about myself, not having to hide / learning to love the emotional mess

Reflections – The Ashlee Craft Show – Episode 034 – Poetry

Episode 034! I read a poem titled “Reflections” from my poetry book “Reflections in the Green Triangle”.

REFLECTIONS IN THE GREEN TRIANGLE BOOK

Reflections

reflecting upon the silver bar sidewalks & the misty moonlit jaunt thru the breeze double rainbow like a pot of gold in the sky / illuminations / reflecting on windows of trucks & on the sunglasses of passerby / on the Sunday / in the rain

driving thru the puddles / rustling of tires against water sprinkling it upwards showing showering rainstorm reflections

looking in the foggy mirror & at everything mistaken & distorted by the silver / like a whole other world hidden behind glass / distorted in the golden gaze rectified in my precision & by my passion / rejuvenated & suddenly understanding who I was the entire time

down many mistaken roads I walked & many mistaken lies I spoke / many sights of sorrow & many things of beauty filled my vision / down many darkened alleyways filled with soot I trod & many days it just never dawned upon me that I what I’d yearned for & what I’d sought had been there all along / I just had never seen them

I thought what I’d been looking for was something that could be bought / so I looked & looked in all the windows to every store but I kept finding myself wanting more & more / I thought what I’d searched for was far away from me & that by leaving this place, I could be free / so I ran away so I wouldn’t be alone only to find that I’d always been home / I thought what I needed was the love in somebody’s heart & that by finding that love, I’d make a start / so I searched for the one I was looking to find only to see I’d been there the whole time / all that time, I was only too blind to see as I looked & searched & cried & yearned only to find that all along, I’d been exactly where I needed to be

it hadn’t been money or distance or love that I’d needed / I didn’t need to go anywhere or buy anything or find someone to love me / I just needed to see the beauty within me

& all the loneliness turned to friendship, all the dark into light, & suddenly I began seeing the world with my own eyes / my own eyes looking at my own destiny / my own life / now I was free

I had been deaf / to the reflections / of the music / rhythm beating beating beating beating onwards / onwards / into the next reflection

“Fog – The Walls Are Not Gray Anymore” – The Ashlee Craft Show – Episode 030 – Poetry

In Episode 030, I read one of the poems from my newest poetry book, “The Walls Were Gray” titled “FOG – THE WALLS ARE NOT GRAY ANYMORE”.

FOG – THE WALLS ARE NOT GRAY ANYMORE

I floored it –
out onto the empty road –
gray mist rose up around me –
floored it –
ahead the fog cleared –
I saw the vibrant nurturing rainbow –
& the meadow where I will thrive –
non-linear joyful skip dance drive towards it –
suddenly finding myself closer to arriving –
the fog clears –
gray walls around me melt away revealing rainbows –
I am no longer confined
by my own false belief that I did not deserve to be free –
floored it & didn’t need to look back into the fog –
floored it –
away vroom vroom –
freedom, I am free finally finding it –

I KNOW WHO I NEED TO BECOME NOW

THE WALLS WERE GRAY

CHRISTMAS DAY – The Ashlee Craft Show – Episode 027 – Poetry

It’s Episode 027! I update you on some cool news – two new poetry books have been released in the past two weeks! One is called “A Ship Onto a Sea of Hope” & the other is called “The Walls Were Gray”. Links to both can be found below. On December 31, the next book in the Wonderful Wildlife series is coming out – it’s about Blobfish! Also, I’m launching three new shows in the next two weeks – “Animals with Ashlee” (a pet vlog series), “Explorations” (videos of cool travel & other experiences I have & places I go), & “The Feel-Good Life with Ashlee Craft” (videos about minimalism, health, happiness, self-sufficiency, etc).

Then, I read a poem titled “Christmas Day” from my Christmas poetry book!

CHRISTMAS POEMS

THE WALLS WERE GRAY

A SHIP ONTO A SEA OF HOPE

CHRISTMAS DAY

waking up earlier than we normally get up. It’s Christmas!

Christmas Day! the thrill of Christmas gifts fills our eyes

& we’re rushing from our rooms & heading towards the tree

brightly wrapped packages in cheerful colors with bows & ribbons around the tree

we shout with excitement

thrilled, exalted, joyous

we rush around & scarf down breakfast

we don’t want to wait another minute!

when we’re done we rush out towards the tree again

first we remove our stockings from the mantlepiece & dump them onto the floor

beautiful things spill out of them

we shout & smile thrilled by these gifts

then we move on to what’s under the tree, tearing the paper from the gifts

& being thrilled by what we see in front of us

so many dreams, so many wishes, so many hopes

coming true

Christmas Day is one of the best days of the year

the air is filled completely with happiness

& our souls are smiling

later on everyone’s in the kitchen cooking

making all the delicious things we’ll eat tonight

kind of like Thanksgiving all over again!

the delicious smell of eggnog

& main dishes & side dishes & rosemary & oregano & cinnamon

& cheesecake & everything else delicious & wonderful

filling the house;

we can’t wait to eat it all later!

then it’s Christmas Day dinner

& we all sit down at the table

the house in happy chaos

& us smiling with every cell in our bodies

we eat together

once more thankful for all that we’ve been blessed with

after dinner we talk & laugh some more

& when we go to bed that night

tired, smiling, aglow

we are so happy

for Christmas has come once more