I Don’t Need You To Feel That Way

I Don't Need You to Feel That Way // Ashlee Craft / Assemblage, Issue 8

(from Ashlee Craft / Assemblage, Issue 8)

I thought that without you, I would be a shadow; that I would go back to being what I used to be before I met you. Sad & incapable. I thought of you as the foundation everything I became was built upon. It would crumble if you weren’t there. That the person I had become was dependent on you being there. I looked at the happy, light, euphoric way I felt because of you (who I became because of how you made me feel) & the sense of belonging & being “good enough” that I finally felt. I thought these feelings couldn’t exist without you being with me, like a constant & repetitive circle that required you feeding the fire to keep it going. Eventually though, I realized that what I had become because of you was mine to keep. The feelings & experiences; the things that now made me feel good about who I was; the way I’d learned to love myself – those were things that could not be taken away or forgotten or repressed. This was who I was now; it wasn’t dependent on you validating me or providing a mirror by which I could see myself. It was thanks to you, showing me how to be this person & motivating me to do so, & it was thanks to me, grabbing up & running with these feelings & discoveries, & then building upon them when I had to, in order to become independently happy. I don’t need you in order to feel that way – I really can do it on my own.

Ashlee Craft / Assemblage, Issue 8 Now Available!

Ashlee Craft / Assemblage, Issue 8 - Cover

Issue 8 of Ashlee Craft’s life-is-a-playground art & poetry zine, Ashlee Craft / Assemblage.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

a letter 4 / a little bit tired 6 / afraid of getting sad again 7 / you know you could do better, right? 8 / forgiveness 9 / raw, beautiful people 10 / dreams 11 / the roar of the lion 12 / so close 13 / lunch food 14 / you thought you had me 15 / frog 17 / you love me & I feel the same way towards you 18 / the first day 19 / you changed too much 20 / light at the end of the tunnel 21 / the purest love 22 / afraid of the future 23 / pay 24 / it was a strange time in my life 25 / I don’t need you to feel that way 26 / space 27 / forgotten 28 / pointless pain 30 / feeling better (maybe I just need to be alone) 31 / looking forward to tomorrow 32 / I will take care of myself though 33 / why do we fall? 34 / questions 35 / happy again 36 / have fun 37 / wow, it’s weird 38 / what says the most about people 39 / I casually destroyed their little plan 40 / I’ll take care of you 41 / being an everyday person 42 / jealous 43 / friends 44 / I know I made the right choice 45 / choosing you 46 / beautiful 47 / people with clouds of a smile behind them 48

Publish Date // December 18, 2015
Paperback 48 pages
Genre // Magazines

Kindle Edition
Paperback

My Favorite Things, December 4, 2015

Sunset Rose // My Favorite Things, December 4, 2015

Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links to products that I recommend. When you click on an affiliate link to a product on an external website, I will recieve compensation if you buy something. If I recommend something though, it is because I really do like it. Thank you for your support.

 

LISTEN

★ I Spy by Mikhael Paskalev. LET ME SAY HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS SONG. This is one of those songs that just gives you a music epiphany. That makes shivers run down your spine & makes your ears feel bliss. I can’t really even put its brilliance & ebullience & magic into words. I love how it starts out sounding kind of lo-fi like it’s playing on a record in a room in your house. I love how it suddenly gets powerful & passionate when all the other instruments come in. I love the part where everyone is singing the part about “lost at sea” & the reverb at this part. Pure, pure magic.

★ Bulletproof by La Roux. This is the song I am playing on repeat & have been ever since I first heard it. I was creeping on YouTube looking for new music & found this song via the recommended video section of a Marina & The Diamonds song. It’s my go-to feel good song right now. I love everything about it. The bouncing, active, futuristic synth feel of it, the fierce lyrics, don’t-bring-me-down message, & the overall feel of it.  Also, the music video is so awesome, & reminds me a little of David Bowie’s work.

★ Blue Moon by Beck. I heard this song on the radio & immediately wanted to know what song it was. It has a driving, dreamy sound to it that made me fall in love with it & all its bittersweet renditions of love.

★ Confident by Demi Lovato. A badass song. Confidence is the key, & if you’re not confident yet, then I am a firm believer in faking it ’till you make it. Great for practicing your confidence walk to, posing in front of the mirror, or dancing to.

Safe & Sound by Capitol Cities. “I know that we’ll be safe & sound.” I love the bouncing & warm & synthy sound of this song. I find it a feel-good, comforting song.

 

EAT

Odwalla Superfood Drink. It has apples, peaches, strawberries, bananas, mango, spirulina, & kale. What more can you ask for? KALE. It tastes good, & tastes more fruit-based than greens-based, but it still has that little bit of hearty earthiness that more greens-based drinks provide. Also, it comes in bulk, which saves money. I like veggie smoothies like this because they make it easy for me to get my daily servings of vegetables in even if I’m busy.

Better Than Bullion Organic Vegetable Base. A recent major-fave of mine. I make a package of plain ramen noodles & when they’re done, I dissolve some of this in hot water & pour it over the noodles. It tastes exactly like regular ramen noodles, if regular ramen noodles’ flavoring was both organic & vegetarian. I love this stuff.

CHEESY PRETZELS. Since I discovered these, they fit into the category of foods that I always want to keep around in my house. They have a great cheese flavor, the right amount of saltiness, & as an added bonus, you get a collection of cheese dust stuck to your fingers to lick off when you’re done eating the pretzels. I love these things.

 

READ

Am I Really Happy Every Single Day? A few great tips on how you can make your life into the awesomeness that it can be.

The Importance of PlayEven though you might be busy/stressed/bored/an adult/etc, play is still important.

 

WATCH

★ 13 Sandwiches From Around the World. These look SO GOOD & made me want to create a whole bunch of new, weird sandwiches, as well as try all the sandwiches in this video.

Baby Owls Blinking. That’s all you need to know. They are so fuzzy.

 

WEAR

★ Flannel Shirts. I own a pink flannel shirt & a red flannel shirt. They look rugged & wintery & woodsy, & I typically roll up the sleeves. Also, flannel shirts are cozy for the winter, as well as very comfortable.

★ Combat Boots. They look badass, & you can wear them with pretty much any outfit to make it look even more awesome. Jeans & a t-shirt? Badass. Rugged pants & flannel? Badass. Frilly pink dress & a hair ribbon? Badass. They go with everything, last a long time if you get good ones, & can be worn at all times of the year. Kind of like good ol’ Converse. Both are essentials, as well as versitle classics.

★ Photo Print Socks. I adore my photo print socks mostly because (a) they look cool, & (b) they look really cool inside my clear glitter jelly shoes. I only own a pair of strawberry-print ones currently, but I would like to own lots of pairs of them, especially ones with pizza, doughnuts, & probably ones with pineapples & animals too.

 

TO DO

Make Perfect Corners On a Bed Sheet. I did this last time I changed my sheets & it looked beautiful. I never used to use a flat sheet but now I do, so with that comes the necessary education of making it look really nice.

Unplug From the Internet with Help From Rookie Mag. I love these articles about doing Real Things in Real Life. The Internet is great, but you shouldn’t live there.

 

THINGS 

★ Nothing is worth it if you aren’t happy. Doesn’t matter what accolades or prestige it has, or whether it’s what you’re “supposed” to do. You gotta live life on your own terms, & as long as you aren’t hurting anybody, go full speed ahead towards the things that really make you happy, & shun & push away anything that doesn’t.

 

NEW AWESOME THINGS

Issue 7 of Ashlee Craft / Assemblage has been released!

I had a great Thanksgiving. I had the day off, so I sat around the house & worked on my upcoming poetry book & the novel I am currently working on. I ate turkey, vegetarian turkey cutlets, & lots of great side dishes, as well as pecan pie. Then, my family watched The Santa Clause, which is a holiday tradition of ours for us to watch it sometime during the holiday season. It was a fun & relaxing day.

My veggie tray meal as a snack on Thanksgiving afternoon.

(above) My veggie tray meal as a snack on Thanksgiving afternoon.

Thanksgiving dinner!

Thanksgiving dinner!

★ More Christmas posts will be coming soon! This means coloring pages like the Thanksgiving ones I made, & hopefully soon some lists of cool things to buy for people you know.

 

Ashlee Craft / Assemblage, Issue 7 Now Available!

Ashlee Craft / Assemblage, Issue 7Issue 7 of Ashlee Craft’s life-is-a-playground art & poetry zine, Ashlee Craft / Assemblage.

TABLE OF CONTENTS
it depends 4 / just love (no more fear) 6 / nothing ventured NOTHING GAINED 7 / it is the confidence 8 / why can’t it be me? 9 / continue being happy 10 / training 11 / you can validate yourself 12 / pretzel rolls & a movie 13 / one step at a time 14 / no motivation 15 / to hell with all this 16 / vegan meals 17 / tarot 18 / excited to get out of bed 19 / marine iguana 20 / that’s just what I do 21 / freaked out 22 / it hurts like hell 23 / body 24 / proud of myself 25 / days of being happy 26 / I really am going to (I hope so) 27 / thoughts 28 / happy person 29 / strength to be happy 30 / teeth 31 / she liked to battle her demons in the dark 32 / I want to make my own clothes & school myself 34 / you will do an amazing job 35 / hello, I am 36 / part of a team 37 / upcoming books 38 / I’ve stopped using it as an escape 39 / be who you want to be 40 / a glimpse 42 / flower on a table 43 / I knew then I belonged there 44 / a few random thoughts of mine 46 / night tree 47 / so many projects to work on 48

Publish Date // November 27, 2015
Paperback 48 pages
Genre // Magazines

Kindle Edition
Paperback

Ashlee Craft / Assemblage, Issue 6

Ashlee Craft / Assemblage Issue 6 - Cover // ashleecraft.comIssue 6 of Ashlee Craft’s life-is-a-playground art & poetry zine, Ashlee Craft / Assemblage.

TABLE OF CONTENTS
very happy 4 / keep you safe 5 / even though it hurts 6 / stay 7 / rewriting the words 8 / I’ve always wanted you 9 / hurt again 10 / no more emptiness – I have arrived 12 / misty mountain fog 13 / you used to care 14 / happiness is all I want 15 / why I hurt 16 / passionate love 17 / the feel of love 18 / to endure hell 19 / re-reading 20 / strength of my own soul 21 / existing 22 / hello (I love you) 23 / best thing you’ve ever seen 24 / cashier 25 / still awake? 26 / you can’t give up now 27 / you won once (you can win again) 28 / how I felt better inside 29 / sad & happy 30 / go green with your dog 31 / a love letter to one who may never read it 32 / ramblings of the mind 33 / I don’t understand it 34 / romance is seriously so weird 35 / why it’s good you took the leap 36 / reasons being 39 / ramblings of my messy mind 41 / conflicts (i’ve felt these recently) 42 / seriously, chill out 43 / be confident in who you are 44 / a love letter : what you need to do 45 / sleep 46 / grocery 47 / not everything 48 / things that feel good to me right now 49

Publish Date // October 30, 2015
Paperback 50 pages
Genre // Magazines

Kindle Edition
Paperback

My Favorite Things : October 27, 2015

Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links to products that I recommend. When you click on an affiliate link to a product on an external website, I will receive compensation if you buy something. Thank you for your support.

LISTEN

★ Walk On – U2I love this song for so many reasons, but probably my favorite line in the song? “What you got, they can’t steal it. No they can’t even feel it.” They can’t take anything away from you. They cannot confine you. You can leave them behind. You are not trapped.

★ Sweet Thing – Van MorrisonA beautiful epiphany in a song. The multi-layered instrumentation is phenomenal & magical & perfect. Soaring flutes. The tender melody & lyrics. Ebullient guitar. One of my all time favorite songs.

★ You Still Believe In Me – The Beach BoysThe comforting knowledge that even after everything that has happened or will happen, that there is a constant person who has your back & will believe in you, no matter what.

★ Crowded House. I started listening to more Crowded House recently. The song that made me start loving their music was Archer’s Arrows (which is a phenomenal & fantastic song). Then I heard Don’t Dream It’s Over (see below), & fell in love with that too. I haven’t heard that many songs of theirs yet, but I’ve liked what I’ve heard so far. Their songs are very aesthetically pleasing, & very atmospheric. They’re the kind of songs I would like to work into a variety of playlists.

In A Sentimental Mood – John Coltrane & Duke EllingtonI like this song because it’s evocative in a somewhat melancholy way, & John Coltrane expresses this mood perfectly.

 

EAT

★ Vanilla Talenti Gelato. Seriously. Try this with rainbow sprinkles. It’s seriously THE BEST. Rainbow sprinkles make good things even better. Gelato somehow always manages to taste elegant & make you feel elegant while you’re eating it. I also love Talenti, because they keep their ingredients simple & to the point, & produce an awesome product. Fun fact : my father usually refers to my Gelato as “ice cream”, a term which I don’t think encompasses the awesomeness & quality of Gelato.

★ Ducktrap Smoked Salmon & Ducktrap Smoked Trout. I am a huge fan of smoked fish. A huge fan. Their smoked salmon with dill is AMAZING, & I am so in love right now with their smoked trout, which I just recently tried. The smoked trout tastes like a combination between fresh smoked herring fillets and smoked salmon. One thing I love about both the smoked trout & the smoked salmon is that the fillets of them are nice, thick, & wholesome, which is even better than the thin fillets more commonly found. Also, I want to put dill on everything now. I recently made homemade guacamole with dill in it, & it was great.

★ This awesome meal I made a while ago

 

READ

★ Anna and the French Kiss by Stephanie PerkinsThis was a nice, heartwarming YA romance story. It made me feel all warm & fuzzy inside, & it’s just a sweet book in general.

★ 10 Really Easy Ways to Love Yourself More TodayAs always, Gala Darling has a lovely, illuminating, magical list. I especially like Point #8, about liking what you like & not liking things just because they’re popular.

This article about Street Dreams Magazine from The New York TimesI really, really like the idea of bringing the Internet into a more tangible, DIY form. Like a zine, of photographs.

 

WATCH

★ Jamming Baby Owls. BABY OWLS DANCING. Owls are the best thing ever.

★ John Owen-Jones Singing “Who Am I?” From Les Miserables. I love this song with a passion, & John Owen-Jones is the very best at singing it. He fills it with an emotion & evocative vulnerability that I haven’t heard in other renditions of the song. It is the most real, honest version, & because of this, a favorite.

 

WEAR

★ Colorful socks inside my awesome sparkly jelly shoes. Right now, I am especially loving my photo print strawberry socks, but since I bought the jelly shoes, I have bought a lot of cute, colorful novelty socks, just for wearing inside my jelly shoes.

My canvas medic bagI wear this bag in a lot of the fashion photos I take, & it’s my go-to bag for everyday usage. Ever since my Indiana Jones phase as a teen, I wanted a bag like this. I finally found one which appropriately matches the one in the films. I love it because it is sturdy, holds a lot of stuff, is comfortable & easy to wear, & just looks cool. Looking cool is the primary reason. It adds a ruggedness & uniqueness to any outfit I add it to.

★ Knee Socks with Jelly Shoes or Combat Boots. I will be posting photos of this combination soon, but it looks tough but feminine at the same time, & also allows me to include the edginess of combat boots while still showing off all my cool, patterned knee socks.

 

TO DO

★ Laying on the floor with my dog & playing fetch with him when I get home from work. He looks forward to this, & would seriously play for hours on end if I didn’t get tired of throwing his toys for him.

★ Learning how to drive. I didn’t learn when I was younger because I had no need to, but I’m learning now, & it’s going great!

★ Earning my GED & passing all the subjects the first time around. I got honors on Reasoning Through Language Arts and in Social Studies, & was one point away from honors in Science. This was something I’d wanted to do for a long time, & I’m so proud of myself for accomplishing this goal.

 

THINGS 

★ “When nothing is sure, everything is possible.” ― Margaret Drabble. Embrace the confusion. Now that you have nothing to lose & maybe nothing to prove, you can do anything. Now that you’re confused & uncertain & scared of the changes going on around you, you can turn this into anything. You have a blank canvas from which you can paint & create & shape into whatever feels best for you.

 

NEW AWESOME THINGS

★ My new album, Confusion is Over. 

New Book – Document Your Life : A Journal.

★ New Book – Panorama Novelty

★ New Book – Ashlee Craft / Assemblage Issue 5

 

Ashlee Craft / Assemblage – Issue 5

IAshlee Craft / Assemblage - Issue 5ssue 5 of Ashlee Craft’s life-is-a-playground art & poetry zine, Ashlee Craft / Assemblage.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

be a friend 4 / what he said 5 / colorful polka dots 7 / kindness is free 8 / don’t be too quick to judge 9 / diary entry 10 / tell him (maybe it will be great) 11 / fundraising 12 / how can I be happier? 13 / personality 14 / buy flowers for myself 15 / how can you be free? 16 / feeling better emotionally 17 / numbers (of course you’re a champion) 18 / songs to learn 19 / spunky 20 / don’t be scared 21 / assertiveness 22 / ass kicking music 23 / my name is… 24 / be chill 25 / shopping list 26 / Fibonacci 27 / I will teach you 28 / I can do this 29 / to do on break 30 / shared moments 31 / two pained souls 32 / comfort each other 33 / good things happen 34 / the greatest person 36 / change my life 37 / advice for the day 38 / to do 39 / not fake 40 / names I like 41 / from the shadows 42 / why must we be so sad? (there’s really not a reason) 43 / your phone number 44 / I want you back 45 / how you act towards me 46 / sunlight to grow 47 / saying to me 48 / love, in a few syllables 49 / we danced in the rain 50 / again 51 / owls 52

Publish Date // September 29, 2015
Paperback 52 pages
Genre // Magazines

Kindle Edition