I guess I’m telling you this because I trust you. You make me feel safe, & you’ve always seen me when I felt invisible. I wanted you to know the story of how I got to be the way I am now. It started with my family; the verbal abuse & lack of love from them finally took its toll, the night I packed my belongings & drove off to anywhere but where I was, & moved in with a bohemian artist named Sara.
Another thing? We haven’t even gotten started yet. Him. He keeps swirling around in my head. The ghosts of his kisses on my lips. The ghosts of his arms around me. The ghosts of his hands caressing my skin. The ghosts of the way it felt when I had my hand on his chest & felt his heart beating, that time when he pressed his forehead into mine & closed his eyes, & we sat there breathing each other’s air, our chests pressed together, & he whispered to me that he loved me, & I pressed my lips against his & kissed him fervently, & for the first time in my life, I felt like everything was going to be okay someday. But it wasn’t. Not even close.
“You’re too sad.” He told me two months later. “I just can’t deal with it. I can’t handle it, because it hurts me too much. It hurts too much to see you like this, but I’ve tried everything, & it seems to me like you don’t even want to get better.”
Maybe I didn’t. I don’t know. It didn’t feel like it, all the days I lied in bed drinking & smoking & wishing it would all go away, days spent remembering him & the way he felt. Sometimes though, I would struggle like a bird, beating my wings against the bars uselessly trying to pull myself out of the pit.
Then someone new moved in across the street, his name was James, & strangely, he became the ladder I needed.
Publish Date // February 25, 2017
Paperback 396 Pages
Genre // Fiction
Themes // Alcoholism, Breakups