In Episode 038, I read a poem from my book “So Long, Lonesome Place” called “Prelude”. Enjoy!
Meditation was boring AF.
Then, when I tried it again, it was SO BORING.
BUT IT WAS SO BORING.
This is when I learned something MAGICAL about meditation.
IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE BORING.
IT DOESN’T HAVE TO MEAN SITTING STILL.
MEDITATION DIDN’T MEAN SITTING STILL & NOT THINKING.
ALL IT REALLY MEANT WAS LETTING MY MIND CHILL THE EFF OUT.
So even if you’re like me & your brain hates being put in the corner & you think mediation isn’t for you, it doesn’t mean your mind is effed up or that you can’t meditate.
In Episode 037, I read a poem from one one of my most recent poetry books, “The Walls Were Gray”, titled “SEE, NOT FEELING THAT GIVES ME FREEDOM.” Hope you enjoy it!
SEE, NOT FEELING THAT GIVES ME FREEDOM
the sky was dark blue dark blue / evening light window looking out at the lake / the flashes of light upon the water I used to look out at them & the fresh alive air would flow in through the holes in the screen & I would feel like I wasn’t sitting on the island all by myself / dark blue dark blue / I walked up the stairs to the room & the lighting was warm / Antioch, at night blue walls single lamp in the corner it was dim the closet was yellow / workshop, my dreams covered the walls when I was an endless creator / they were yelling downstairs now but I was rising slowly exhausted & ready to sleep / I found myself outside, finally stretching my legs & feeling the late afternoon sunshine warm & bright / they said it was going to rain today but they were wrong / the air was warm & crisp like the end of summer, like the end of summer that one year / fall autumn air queen suicide & rebirth in February into something greater / I was so happy suddenly back then that it scared me / the air had seemed so lonely / she asked me about it & I finally revealed an honest piece of myself more peace of mind / “it was never very interesting to me” I told her “my Work was always more interesting & still is” / I told her I couldn’t wrap my head around the idea of constantly chasing them, hoping they would notice me / couldn’t understand why anyone would want to do that be that way / technically it’s more normal but it was never the drumbeat I danced to / this morning I was compelled towards the radio / “I will get by” was playing / note, a year ago said I listened to that & read TOUGH TIMES DON’T LAST & even though things were terrible for me, I felt a lot better / (why does it always seem like things are terrible? not true) / then some song about dancing to the beat of the music played & the morning looked less gray / I read their article & realized the problem / even in my otherness I was still being forced into feelings I didn’t feel / the obligation was strong everywhere around me everyone was screaming out the words & every book proudly displayed it on its cover & the newspapers all wrote about it & every song found it sublime to ramble on ramble on / everyone I knew – it was their primary topic. what had happened. what they would do. how to find one. / I was being forced into feelings I didn’t feel because I felt I wouldn’t belong if I didn’t feel them / but I don’t feel them, not in that way / I can befriend all of them without ulterior motives – imagine what a difference that would be – everyone else was always a goal step to reach a particular means to an end / I felt more normal than her even though I felt dried up & frigid but that was the way the computer was wired & the tree roots were deeper still / I hugged her, “why is everyone so stressful?”, flung my hands around, she comforted me, I hugged her again / I didn’t have to follow them all down into the rabbit hole / “curiosity never killed the cat” she told me / trees sung quietly in triumph as I wrote a letter with the honest truth & let a pigeon carry it back to its nest / then I walked around the lake & went home, just as the jazz started playing, & I felt better about myself, not having to hide / learning to love the emotional mess
What I did the week of April 1 – 7 to make 2018 awesome.
- Published 3 blog posts.
- Released 2 YouTube videos (Episode 041 of The Ashlee Craft Show & released my cover of Crowded House’s song ‘Archer’s Arrows’).
- Began editing the book I wrote last year about my Epic Florida Road Trip!
- Spent a lot more time sorting stuff in my house & garage to work on becoming more of a minimalist.
- Made 6 posts on Instagram.
- Reached out to someone successful in acting to ask for advice about agents, jobs, etc.
- Reached out to a company about them carrying the shorts I designed.
- Uploaded my new song Run Away to Soundcloud!
- Submitted my song Run Away to one website with the possibility of it being featured on their website.
- Drew 10 illustrations (nine of which are for a book I’m doing!) & 1 design.
- Wrote 1 poem.
- Put products with my Blobfish design on them on on Society6 Shop!
- Wrote 1 short story!
- Signed up for the Yes Supply Facebook group for female entrepreneurs.
- Asked five successful entrepreneurs that I respect immensely what their #1 tip was for how to get from obscurity to success & two replied!
- Created & set up my page on Patreon!
What I did the week of March 25 – 31 to make 2018 AWESOME.
Week 13 was very productive! I spent a ton of time cleaning & going through stuff in my garage & house, & I finally made the demo version of the shorts (that I put off for one year) & released the song I’ve been working on for two years!
- Released “Run Away”, the song I’ve been working on for two years on iTunes, Amazon, & other digital distributors!
- FINALLY made the demo version of my first-ever piece of clothing I designed, so I can begin on the next steps of actually getting it produced! I put this off for more than a year, so it feels great to have it done!
- Got rid of a ton more stuff I didn’t need. Sorted through 6 boxes of my stuff & only kept three boxes.
- Researched best websites to find acting jobs on & signed up with Actors Access.
- Edited more of the images to be used in my Udemy course!
- Drew 1 illustration & 4 designs!
- Made 3 Instagram posts.
- Wrote 1 poem.
- Did research on how to become a session musician.
- Published 4 blog posts!
- Did not do well on my eating healthy goals, but I did excellent on the exercise goals.
- Looked into some clothing items I’d like to get in order to help me look more like myself/my vision for myself.
- Published 3 YouTube videos.
- Signed up to be a brand ambassador for a sunglasses company that I like. Was approved!
- Looked into requirements for putting a course on Udemy just to make sure I do everything right while creating my first course!
What I did March 18 – 25 to make 2018 amazing.
- Sorted a lot more of my garage & got rid of a lot more things I no longer needed, as part of my goal of becoming a minimalist this year. Found a ton of stuff to donate!
- Recorded a new song, called “I Will Find You”, & mixed it! Soon I’ll be ready to release it! Mixed two other songs I’ve previously recorded, including my cover of Crowded House’s Archers Arrows.
- Posted first Fiverr gig EVER! It’s for doing illustrations in my unique style. Set up Fiver profile & added 3 additional gigs (illustrated banner logo, pet portraits, & proofreading). Made a lot of illustrations to be samples for these gigs to show people what they’re getting & to promote the gigs.
- Published 1 YouTube videos (Episode 039 of The Ashlee Craft Show)
- Made 4 Instagram posts.
- Published 3 new products to my online store!
- Looked up how to pick a good monologue for acting auditions.
- Signed up for Backstage.com. Took new headshots & updated acting resume.
- Started editing more of the slideshow images for my Udemy course!
- Took another photo for my film photography book.
- Considered & brainstormed ways to get acting jobs after I realized how much I wanted to do this.
- Applied for 5 acting jobs! Got scheduled for one audition, which I did.
- Reconsidered & got further clarity about what kind of LIFESTYLE I want to have, as a whole, instead of just focusing on things that will provide one thing at the expense of others (i.e. making more money at the expense of freedom).
- Donated one illustration to a charity with the hopes they’ll want to use it. If they agree, I will link to their website on my website & help promote their charity, & I’ll add the illustration to my portfolio.
- Looked up more money making ideas online. Looked into proofreading, part-time, virtual assistant, & entertainment jobs.
- Worked on signing up to be a Groupon Merchant.
- Colored in five of my illustrations.
- Saw Foreigner in concert with the Rock Symphony Orchestra!
- Saw Al Stewart, Three Dog Night, Lords of 52nd Street, & Firefall in concert at Ruth Eckerd Hall!
- Began reading The Courage to Be Rich by Suze Orman & Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz. Bought a copy of Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers from the library so now I can finally read it!
- Made more strides in owning a home.
- Gave my mom a life coaching session to help her level up her life this year too.
- Signed up for Zazzle & added 9 products made from 1 design. Signed up for Society6 & added a bunch of products made from 2 designs.
- Wrote 1 blog post.
- Improved environment by cleaning up clutter in my house & putting items back in their places.
- Learned about investing in ETFs & low-cost index funds.